BOUGHT MY KIDS AN ANDROID

MY DAUGHTER SAID DADDY I WANT AN IPHONE.  I SAID HONEY, I DON'T HATE YOU I CANNOT IN GOOD FAITH BESTOW THE CURSE OF THIS PIECE OF SHIT ON YOU, I WANT YOU TO LIVE A LONG PROSPEROUS AND INNOCENT LIFE.  I DONT NEED HER TO FEEL LIKE I DO EVERY TIME I TURN ON MY IPHONE.

SO I BOUGHT HER AN ANDROID PHONE FOR CHRISTMAS.  $100, SO I COULD BUY 18 OF THEM FOR THE PRICE OF ONE IPHONE 6SGT4.

BUT WHATS EMBARASSING IS HER SCREEN IS SO MUCH LARGER THAN MINE.  I LOOK LIKE A PIMP WITH MY HUGE FUCKING OTTERBOX AND ITS BULLETPROOF ARMY SWAT TEAM STYLE ALL UP ON THAT SHIT.  AND NEXT TO HER CHEAP ASS ANDROID ITS A LITTLE ARMY DWARF SLUT.

HEY BUT LIKE I SAID BEFORE, I HAVE RETINA DISPLAY.
IF NOW ONLY I COULD SEE THE RETINA DISPLAY WHILE I HAVE MY FINGERS ON THE 4 INCH SCREEN.  SO WITH FINGERS I HAVE A TOTAL OF 3" LEFT OR SO.  EMBARASSING.  SCREENENVY#

FINALLY DID IT

SO I FINALLY GOT MY GAME INSTALLED.  I ONLY HAD TO DELETE EVERY PICTURE, CONTACT AND EMAIL ON MY ENTIRE PHONE TO GET IT INSTALLED.  THANKS FOR THAT.  GOODBYE PICTURE MEMORIES AND SHIT, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE EASE OF USE.  IT ONLY TOOK ME 4 MONTHS TO GET EVERYTHING DELETED BECAUSE I HAD TO FIND HALF THE FILES AND SHIT THAT WAS HIDDEN WHEREVER THE HELL IT WAS HIDDEN.

BUT NOW I CAN PLAY MY GAME.  ITS FUCKING SWEET IF I KEEP IT 1 INCH FROM MY FACE I CAN TOTALLY SEE IT IN HD GLORY, ITS COMPARED TO A 12" LAPTOP IF I HOLD IT THAT CLOSE FUCKING BADASS RETINA DISPLAY.

NOW ONLY IF I HAD LITTLE ASIAN HANDS TO PLAY THE GAME AND STILL BE ABLE TO SEE THE RETINA DISPLAY ON THIS LITTLE ASS DISPLAY.

SUPER COOL NEW FEATURE

SO I UPDATED MY CHROME APP, NOT MY IPHONE YET BECAUSE I CAN'T UPGRADE TO IOS7 FOR SOME UNGODLY REASON, JOBS HAUNTING ME?

ANYWAY THIS COOL ASS FEATURE THAT HAS BEEN IMPLEMENTED AND WORKS EVERY TIME.  IF I AM SECRETLY READING A SIGHT AND DECIDE FUCK I NEED TO CLOSE CHROME COMPLETELY, I JUST TRY TO CLOSE A TAB AND ****BAM**** CHROME COMPLETELY FUCKING CRASHES.

Don't worry I can restore the tabs half the time, if I remember to click RESTORE, but hey since my iPhone 4 has so much RAM i don't have to worry about restoring all 50 tabs I had open.

Oh and thanks to the sweet ass feature and gestures and the no extra buttons when I am scrolling through my 50 open tabs to look for the page I was on before the shit just fell out the bottom on me I accidently swipe my finger 1mm to the side and *****BAM***** CHROME COMPLETELY GONE!

THUMBS UP APPLE.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BULLSHIT I HATE IPHONES

THANK YOU LIVER CANCER FOR SAVING ME FROM IPHONE 5.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH APPLE
I HATE YOU WITH ALL MY SUNSHINE AND HEART

YOUR DEVICE CANNOT CHARGE WITH THIS ACCESSORY
WHY NOT? IT SAYS FUCKING APPLE ON IT.